I know I am speaking out of my limited views
I know I am acting out of my expectation towards you
I know better
yet, I sometimes give in
To the limitedness of my mind
Is it childish?
Maybe so, but why judge?
All I know is, I am not perfect
Neither I am seeking perfection
Today, I allow myself to be frustrated and tired
Tomorrow will be another day
I know it is all a product
of my limitedness
which I am learning to embrace as much as my strengths
This school year, I am working 80% at my job as a middle school teacher. I asked for an unpaid leave of 20% to have more for teaching yoga, and to see if this has a positive impact in my family life and mental and emotional health.
Last school year was busy. Work wasn’t necessarily busier than usual, but work combined with family life kept me busy from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. I had to plan my days to the detail and follow this plan in order for things to run smoothly.
I tried my best to take care of myself by doing my daily sadhana, do physical activity, and spend the weekends as much as possible with my family without making any plan but still, I felt quite tired towards the end of the school year and when the calmness of the summer break finally kicked in, I realised how tense I had been the whole year.
Two weeks after going back to work, I definitely notice the difference from working 100%. I feel less tired, more present and much more capable of dealing with whatever happens at work and at home in a more skilful way.
My first thought was, “I’ll never go back to 100%”, followed by “how will this affect us (my family) economically” and “am I being lazy?”, to “all teachers should have less teaching hours”.
When it comes to my family’s economy, I think we’ll manage. I think this change has made me be more mindful of where and when I spend money. This can only be beneficial for our and the world’s well-being. If I cut some expenses here, I can save some money there, and we will be able to spend our money more mindfully. We have always tried to not buy more than we need, but living the privilege life that we live, we definitely have more than we need. Ultimately, the question is simple, what is more worth getting more stuff or living less stressed? I think my kids appreciate more a relaxed mum than anything they wish for that we can’t give immediately.
Am I lazy? I don’t think so. I might have too high expectations for every role I play in life, and maybe I need to work with that, but in order to feel that what I do is meaningful, I need time, space and energy to do things with a sense of purpose. For the time being, my biggest responsibilities are towards myself – if I don’t keep myself physically, emotionally and mentally sane, I can’t engage in a positive way in the practical world; towards my family and towards my students and colleagues. If I have more time to plan my lessons, to reflect on what is happening in the classroom, and choose the way further, I think I will do a much better job than when I am supposed to perform at a 100% feeling constantly drained.
This leads me to my third thought. What is the real meaning of ‘efficiency’? Is it to do as much as possible with an absent mind, or is it to do what we do consciously? How can teachers be present for their students and colleagues, how can we better choose the next step when we are constantly running against the clock? If we are to carry out our real duty as guides, as facilitators, as caring adults, we need the energy and time to be present, reflect and then act in a way that empower our students and ourselves. Why do we believe that the right way to go is to squeeze out until the last drop of people’s energy? Since I can’t change the way society thinks, I can then make the choice to not overload myself and work less.
I will soon start teaching more yoga, and we’ll see how this affects the whole equation. This makes me think of the importance the attitude we bring to everything we do has for our inner peace. I want to teach more yoga because I am noticing the benefits it is bringing to my life and I want to share this with others. I want to teach more yoga because I have noticed that it gives me energy and gives me a sense of purpose but if this doesn’t work, I will have to rethink the whole thing all over again. And this is what we do. We try, we sometimes get it right, sometimes fail and have to try again.
Create space for yourself. In all your states. Don’t panic, no thought or emotion will stay forever. Enjoy the good ones and observe the bad ones. What are they trying to say? The more space you create inside yourself, the easier it is to deal with your changing emotions and moods without looking for external answers, they tend to disappoint.
Create the space to see all sides of yourself. Accept and love yourself for who you are. Only by looking directly into your innermost thoughts and attitudes, you will be able to make small adjustments here and there that will bring you to a better place. Only by exercising the art of setting yourself free, you will be able to see other people with eyes of compassion and understanding.
Create space for those around you to thrive and grow. Give love and see it flow. Love is always the answer no matter what. Don’t measure the love you give. Don’t be afraid, the more you give, the more you have. Lead with the example, lead with the heart, and you’ll see magic moments arise. Keep your eyes open though, and don’t stare at one spot. Love will flow from sometimes the most unexpected places.
Create space for those around you to struggle, to be challenging, to show their moods. It is never about you, it is all about their inner life too. Just like you, they have their own internal battles, and just like you, all they need is the space to experience, to learn and to move forward. If you don’t push back, if you are curious, if you are present, you will be able to either help or step back. When we give space to others, magic happens, the other gets time to react, to reflect and then come back in a calmer state.
Space is really magic.
According to the Yoga tradition, everything we need is already inside us but we have somehow lost the connection with what we are at our core. The deepest part of us, our true Self, is complete and unshakable but covering this unshakable Self , are layers of misleading ideas we have about who we are. This is called the lower self.
The bigger the gap between our Self and our self, the more we experience an inner vacuum. This inner vacuum manifests itself in different ways in each person, and this sensation is at the base of all our uncontrolled and unconscious craving for external attention, affirmation and validation.
In my experience, I do see this vacuum at the base of emotions and behaviour that keep bringing pain for myself and others. I have observed that for me, the vacuum manifests itself as a perceived lack of love or attention from those close to me. When I feel the vacuum, I always blame it on what the external world is not doing to fulfill my ‘needs’. It has taken time and patience to accept this, and even more time and patience to convince my mind that I am ok. I still have moments where certain situations become difficult because my mind perceives them as a proof of my ‘unworthiness’, but little by little, it is becoming easier to take myself out of this limiting idea. Because that is what the inner vacuum does, it convinces us that we are lacking something and it is often because we ‘don’t deserve’ it.
Other people try to fill the vacuum with objects, with food, with projects, titles, goals, experiences… I am not saying that any of these things is wrong. There isn’t really an absolute right or wrong way to try to live a fulfilling life, and we all do whatever we can to feel satisfied. However, if you find yourself constantly running after or away from something, constantly stressed about your life, you might want to consider this idea. The typical way to discover if we are being chased by our inner vacuum is if we keep living in the “If…. I will be happy”.
All the external world can offer us are glimpses of moments of fulfilment because everything is in constant change and out of our control. This leaves us mostly unsatisfied, craving for more or disappointed because nothing and no one can measure up to our expectations. This inner vacuum can be at the base of our constant business too.
This does not mean that we should loathe the world or our lower self, what we need to do, is learn to take them for what they are: the self is our vehicle to be and interact in the world and the world is here to give us experiences to learn to know ourself better, first the lower self and its limiting tendencies, and by letting go of each one of these tendencies, we gradually get closer to who we really are, the Self. As Jack Hawley explains in his translation and interpretation of the Bhagavad Gita:
[…]this world is a learning ground, a place to discipline, train, and elevate all beings. If we decline to learn we cannot derive the benefit of the schooling.”
Hawley, Jack. The Bhagavad Gita: A Walkthrough for Westerners (ch3 v16, p. 31). New World Library.
The ‘schooling’ is life, and we are here not to get caught up in the self and its limitations but to learn and grow to achieve a lasting inner peace and happiness. This way, we function better in the world and we fulfill our true potential. For our own good and for the good of the whole.
What is it that we need to discipline and train? The mind. To discipline the mind, we need to create the space to get to know our patterns of thought better. This needs to be done without judgement so the first step is acceptance. To accept that a limited view, an expectation, a craving is damaging our inner peace. The next step is curiosity. Ask yourself, why do I think like this? What triggers this or that emotion? And finally, little by little and with a lot of practice, start making small adjustments. Start by trying not to act on or react to the thought or emotion that you know only brings suffering in the long run, this way the mind starts to calm down in that area and eventually, you will manage to let go.
What kind of thoughts do we need to discipline and train our mind to let go of? Basically, all thoughts that lead us to believe that we are what we do and what he have, and by consequence we also are what we don’t do and what we don’t have. By identifying ourself with what we have and or do, we can easily allow sensory indulgences, expectations, and selfish desires to be at the base of my actions. The problem with this is that we never get completely satisfied mainly because the result of our actions is rarely exactly as we expect it to be so we end up frustrated or the feeling of satisfaction lasts just for a short while so we keep wanting more.
Being aware can help us recognise when our motivation to act is the inner vacuum and either refrain from acting or change the intention. A third option is to act to hide the inner vacuum for a while, but be conscious of it.
A quite common place where the inner vacuum messes up for us is in our interactions with other people. Ask yourself, how many times have you done something expecting a specific response in return? And how often have you been frustrated because the response is not the one you were expecting? If we go around believing that the world is there to fill our vacuum, that the world owes us something, we are going to live a quite tiring and frustrating life, not to mention selfish. So step nr1: have your intentions very clear, and try to understand your emotional reactions when the result of your actions isn’t the desired one. Be compassionate towards yourself and the person or people involved. Step nr2: try to move away from acting to fill your vacuum. For this, you need to start cultivating inner contentment and self-sufficiency.
In order to cultivate contentment (santosha) you can start by focusing on what you can be thankful for every day. Some people practice writing three things at the end of each day. No matter how bad your day was, there is always something to be thankful for, if only the practical things that we give for granted: a bed, food, clean clothes, etc. Contentment can then be extended also to the not so pleasant things in your life. As painful as some experiences can be, we can always draw something positive out of them. I remember the feeling of overwhelming thankfulness I have had every time I meet someone that is able to help my daughter who has special needs. I am not thankful that she was born with a syndrome, but I am thankful for the lessons I have learned since she was born, and the opportunity to meet so dedicated and wonderful people. It has also inspired me to be a more understanding and compassionate teacher and mum.
Self-sufficiency is slightly more difficult for some of us (or maybe for most of us), but it is very important. Think a bit about this one, if you were really satisfied with who you are, would you then be craving for someone else’s attention? If you truly respected yourself, would it then be so important to you that other people show respect to you? If you truly loved yourself, would you then need so badly for others to love you? All the things that you need, you can cultivate inside you, and then, you will easily see how much you already get from the outer world. You will also and most importantly be able to give more, and above all, you will be able to show compassion to other people when you recognise that their sometimes challenging behaviour comes from the same space than yours: the inner vacuum.
“Arjuna, those who have found the pure contentment, satisfaction, and peace of the Atma (the True Self Within) are fulfilled. They have nothing more in this world to accomplish, no more obligations to meet. Being in the Atma,these people are beyond karma.
Hawley, Jack. The Bhagavad Gita: A Walkthrough for Westerners (ch3 v17 p. 31).
To be self-sufficient requires (again) practice and patience. It requires our full acceptance of who we are, compassion towards ourself, and the willingness to change our mindset from seeking outside to exploring innards.
Our breath is one of the most powerful tools we have to calm our mind and connect to our deeper self. You most probably know how soothing it is to stop for a moment during the day and just exhale deeply. We do it mostly unconsciously, to take a break. Some people take it even a bit further and make a sound at the exhale. My dad has the habit of sighing sometimes throughout the day. He likes to joke about this and says that it feels good to ‘complain a bit from time to time’, but I think it is soothing to sigh from time to time.
Breath is one of the functions in our body that we don’t pay attention to, it happens by itself. Unfortunately, because of the pace at which most of us are living, our breath tends to be short and shallow, especially on the exhales, and it becomes a vicious cycle: because we are stressed, we constrain our breath, and because we constrain our breath, we feel tired and stressed.
In the yoga tradition, the mind and the breath are intrinsically connected. When the mind is relaxed, the breath is balanced and easy, when the mind is agitated, the breath is imbalanced and effortful. So by breathing evenly and smoothly, we calm the mind, and by consciously working with calming the mind, we keep our breath nice and easy.
By focusing on our breath, we bring the mind to the present moment, and by being in the present moment, we can slow down our thoughts and tackle any situation more skilfully. Like with almost anything, it takes practice to learn to smooth our breath and thereby our mind. Here are two very simple exercises that you can practice at home or anywhere. Remember that the more you practice something, the more it becomes part of you and the easier it is to bring it forward when you need it.
Create a habit. As with anything new you introduce to your daily routine, try to keep it simple and start with two to three minutes before you go to bed, or before you get out of bed (or both). As it becomes a habit, you can then add more minutes to your morning/evening practice and even include another session as a break from your everyday life if you have the space.
Prepare for breathing. Keep it simple, sit on a chair if you are more comfortable, or at the edge of your bed (you don’t need to sit on the floor on lotus pose to practice breathing consciously). Just try to keep your back straight, shoulders relaxed and your gaze soft by not fixing your eyes on anything, at the same time as you don’t move your sight from one object to another. If you feel comfortable with closing your eyes, close your eyes. If sitting straight without support is challenging for your back, sit with your back against the back of the chair or the wall, but be conscious of not slouching. It takes some practice to find a good sitting position that keeps you awake and energised at the same time as relaxed. Be patient and curious with yourself, experiment a bit and find your perfect position. Keep both feet well grounded on the floor, hands relaxed on your thighs or knees.
You might want to lie down if you do this right before going to sleep, the challenge is that you might fall asleep right away which is good for your sleep, but not good for the practice of breathing. So be clear with yourself, what is the purpose of your session? If it is to help you fall asleep, then go for it, but if it is to practice being aware of and soothing your breath, then sit.
I like to use a timer because I otherwise keep checking the clock to see when I’m done and this distracts me too much. I use an app called Insight Timer because I don’t like the sounds of the regular timer on my mobile. You can find Insight Timer for free on any app store.
Breathing exercise 1: Inhale with the nose and exhale with the mouth. Inhale slowly, smoothly and deeply through your nose, and allow yourself to exhale through your mouth. Make sure that you breathe out completely before you start inhaling again. Pay attention to your body as you breath and avoid lifting your shoulders and tensing your chest as you inhale. Deep breaths are not supposed to feel stressful for your body, on the contrary, you should feel that at each exhale, your body melts a little bit more.
Breathing exercise 2: Inhale counting to three or four, exhale counting to three or four. To even the breath. During this breathing exercise, you will inhale and exhale through your nose. Exhale completely, and then as you inhale count slowly in your head to three, four or five, depending on what feels good for you. Finish your inhale and slowly start exhaling counting equally to either three, four or five. Make sure you gradually start making your inhales and exhales even. It is quite common to start with counts of three or four, and as you practice more, you will notice that you can count a bit longer. As with the previous exercise, pay attention to your body while you’re breathing. Avoid stressing your shoulders and your chest. Again, as you breathe in imagine you become lighter and taller , and as you exhale feel every part of your body relaxing.
Once you feel comfortable with the rhythm of your breath on either of these two exercises, notice what happens to your mind. It will most probably start wondering around, that is ok. That is what the mind is supposed to do, but gently and without judgement, bring it back to what you are doing right now: breathing. If you have had a tough day and you are experiencing stress or any difficult emotion, try to be with it as you are with your breath. Your mind will constantly go back to creating stories about what happened, and why and blah blah blah but again, kindly and gently bring your mind back to your breath and the sensations in your body. Don’t worry, this stress/distress, will eventually go away. Be patient.
As with anything, these two exercises require practice in order to be almost part of your system. The more you practice, the more aware you can be, the more they bring you back to your core which is a calm and safe place. Be patient, be kind to yourself and take it easy.
Yoga of Mukti 