Tag: Yoga

Slow Down!

Published on by VanessaLeave a comment

This week was one of those weeks where I felt that I was moving against the wind. With the best intentions, I did nothing but push and push in my work. The result: conflicts with my students, misunderstandings with my colleagues and at the end of the week I was exhausted, confused and frustrated. An old and recurring question floated in my mind on Saturday morning when I woke up: Why is everyone so frustrated when I’m doing the best I can?

“Slow down, I’m in a hurry,” my grandmother used to say.

There are days, weeks, months and even years in which we feel we do nothing but run against the stream. Every day feels like a mini battle between us and the rest of the world.

There are days, weeks, months and even years in which when we go to bed, we feel that we were pushing invisible obstacles that felt very heavy.

And we keep pushing, and the body feels tired and the mind feels tired.

Our interactions with others feel heavy and a new conflict situation arises at every turn of the corner.

Unwanted words come out of our mouth, we lose patience, we lose control.

How long are we going to keep pushing? How much energy do we think we have to waste in this way?

One tool that we have and which I forgot about this week, is to slow down. Take a break, take two breaks, take lots of breaks. Play the game of paying attention to each movement we make, walk a little slower, move a little slower. In conversations, count to five or ten before answering and observe the words that come to our mind before opening our mouth. Which words are the most appropriate? Which ones will help bring the conversation to a place of dialogue and solution? And which ones won’t?

Against what and against whom are we pushing? Sometimes we behave like Don Quixote, we are fighting against monsters that do not exist. Because by going so fast, by forgetting that we have the ability of patience, our perception of the outside world and the ‘other’ is distorted.

In our hurry, we forget that everyone around us wants the same thing we do, inner peace, a happy life and freedom to be.

It is a good practice, when we feel that we are pushing, struggling and we are not going anywhere, to take the time to sit down, close our eyes and see inside ourselves. What are we really pushing against? What can we change inside ourself to help us flow and stop pushing?

Some of us find it hard to accept that in every situation, in every conflict, the best solution is to look inward. What can we change in our perception, in our desires, in our expectations to better flow? It does not mean that we should not fight for a good cause, or work hard towards some goal or dream, but pushing and pushing without getting anywhere will not help us at all. By slowing down, by giving us time to look inward, we can:

  1. Find clarity. We must take time to reflect and be clear about our objective. Take time to ask ourselves why am I doing this? Sometimes, in the rush of everyday life, we do things that we don’t even want to do, we do not have to do, and even worse, we do not even know why we are doing. We have to have our intentions clear.
  2. Filter and let go of everything we do that does not belong to that clarity. We can adjust our attitudes, our actions so that we stop pushing and start to flow.
  3. Find time to do what we consider necessary and let the rest flow. Find patience and trust that what arrives is what has to come. If what arrives is not what we want, we can ask ourselves what we can change in our way of seeing things, or doing things to be more aligned with reality. Maybe it’s not the time, maybe it’s not the best for us, maybe there’s a lesson to be learned.
  4. Take care of ourself and pay attention to our emotions. In order to do your part, you need to be well. You need to take time to reset and rest. Don’t ignore your feelings or push them away. Those emotions that you don’t like, are the ones that will teach you a lesson. Let them come, observe them, and try to understand them. Where do they come from. With practice and patience, you will see that they come from inside, from your imprints in your mind. Once you recognise the internal source, you will be able to heal them. Only taking the time to be with yourself will allow for this.
  5. Save energy and stop trying to convince others of our way of seeing things. If we make a mistake, apologise, if someone perceives our actions differently from our intention, instead of trying to convince, try to understand that perception and keep flowing.

So, my week ended with apologies given to those who were shaken by my speed, conviction that the conflict with my students was necessary to learn a lesson (from both sides), and hope that next time, I will remember to move slower.

Baja la velocidad

Published on by VanessaLeave a comment

Esta semana fue una de esas semanas en las que sentí que me movía contra el viento. Con las mejores intenciones, no hice más que empujar y empujar en mi trabajo. El resultado: conflictos con mis alumnos, malentendidos con mis colegas y al final de la semana estaba yo agotada, confundida y frustrada. Una vieja y recurrente pregunta flotaba en mi mente el sábado por la mañana cuando me desperté: ¿Por qué todo el mundo está tan frustrado cuando estoy haciendo lo mejor que puedo?

“Despacio que tengo prisa” decía mi abuela.

Hay días, semanas, meses y hasta años en los que sentimos que no hacemos más que correr contra corriente. Cada día se siente como una mini batalla entre nosotros y el resto del mundo.

Hay días, semanas, meses y hasta años en los que al irnos a la cama, sentimos que estuvimos empujando obstáculos invisibles y por tanto bien pesados.

Y seguimos empujando, y el cuerpo se siente cansado y la mente se siente cansada.

Nuestras interacciones con los demás se vuelven pesadas como plomo y a cada vuelta de esquina se presenta una nueva situación de conflicto.

Palabras indeseadas salen de nuestra boca, perdemos paciencia, perdemos control.

¿Cuánto tiempo vamos a seguir empujando? ¿Cuánta energía creemos que tenemos para desperdiciar de esta manera?

Una herramienta que tenemos y de la cual me olvidé esta semana, es: bajar la velocidad. Tomar una pausa, tomar dos pausas, tomar muchas pausas. Jugar el juego de poner atención en cada movimiento, caminar un poco más lento, moverse un poco más lento. En conversaciones, contar hasta cinco o diez antes de contestar y jugar con las palabras en la mente, cuáles son las más adecuadas, cuáles van a ayudar a llevar la conversación a un lugar de diálogo y solución y cuáles no.

¿Contra qué y contra quién estamos empujando? A veces nos comportamos como Don Quijote, estamos luchando contra monstruos que no existen. Porque al ir tan rápido, al olvidar que tenemos la habilidad de la paciencia, nuestra percepción del mundo exterior y del ‘otro’ se distorsiona aún más.

En nuestra prisa, nos olvidamos que todos a nuestro alrededor quieren lo mismo que nosotros, paz interior, una vida feliz y libertad de ser.

Es una buena práctica, cuando sentimos que estamos empujando, luchando y no vamos a ningun lado, de tomar el tiempo para sentarnos, cerrar los ojos y ver hacia dentro de nosotros mismos. ¿Contra qué estamos empujando en realidad? ¿Qué podemos cambiar al interior de nosotros para ayudarnos a fluir y dejar de empujar?

A algunos de nosotros nos cuesta trabajo aceptar que en toda situación, en todo conflicto, la mejor solución es ver hacia adentro. ¿Qué podemos cambiar en nuestra percepción, en nuestros deseos, en nuestras espectativas para mejor fuir? No quiere decir que no debemos luchar por una buena causa, o trabajar duro hacia algún objetivo o sueño, pero empujar y empujar sin llegar a ningún lado no nos va a ayudar en nada. Al bajarl la velocidad, al darnos tiempo para ver hacia adentro, podemos:

  1. Encontrar claridad. Hay que tomar tiempo para reflexionar y tener bien claro cuál es nuestro objetivo. Tomar tiempo para preguntarnos  ¿por qué estoy haciendo esto? A veces, en la prisa del día a día, hacemos cosas que al final no queremos hacer, no tenemos que hacer y aún peor, no sabemos ni por qué las estamos haciendo. Hay que tener nuestras intenciones claras.
  2. Filtrar y dejar todo lo que hacemos que no pertenece a esa claridad. Podemos ajustar nuestras actitudes, nuestras acciones de manera que dejemos de empujar y empecemos a fluir.
  3. Encontrar tiempo para hacer lo que consideramos necesario y dejar que lo demás fluya. Encontrar la paciencia y confiar en que lo que llegue es lo que tiene que llegar. Si lo que llega no es lo que deseamos, nos podemos preguntar qué podemos cambiar en nuestra manera de ver las cosas, o de hacer las cosas para estar más alineados con la realidad. Tal vez no es el momento, tal vez no es lo mejor para nosotros, tal vez hay una lección que aprender.
  4. Ahorrar energía y dejar de tratar de convencer a los demás de nuestra manera de ver las cosas. Si cometemos un error, pedir disculpas, si alguien percibe nuestras acciones de manera diferente a nuestra intención, en vez de tratar de convencer, tratar de entender esa percepción y seguir fluyendo.

Así, mi semana se terminó con disculpas dadas a los que me llevé de corbata en mi prisa, convicción de que el conflicto con mis alumnos fue necesario para aprender una lección, y la esperanza de que la próxima vez, me acordaré de ir más despacio.

Anger and other ‘difficult’ emotions

Published on by Vanessa1 Comment

” […]there is an incremental experience of greater freedom as we discover ever more self-control, sensitivity, and awareness that permit us to live the life we aspire to, one of decency; clean, honest human relations; goodwill and fellowship; trust; self-reliance; joy in the fortune of others; and equanimity in the face of our own misfortune.” Iyengar, B.K.S.. Light on Life: The Yoga Journey to Wholeness, Inner Peace, and Ultimate Freedom.

Emotions fascinate me. Where do they come from? Why do they have so much control over us?  Are they caused by external circumstances?

Or are they all part of our internal storytelling? I think I could write pages and pages about this topic, but I’ll try to stick to two things: how I understand emotions through the lens of my Yoga studies and practice, and techniques to put down the fire when it is at its worst.

Negative emotions. Most of us consider anger as a negative emotion because it feels unpleasant and it can lead to conflict. I personally don’t like to get angry and for many years I’ve tried very hard and with little success not to get angry. So how about going a bit deeper into this emotion? Maybe if we get a better personal understanding of why we experience anger, we can make some changes. I challenge you to be open-minded when you read this and play a little game with your mind.

What makes you angry? We can maybe say that most of the time, the degree of our anger is related to the situation. So let’s start at what for me is level 1.

Anger coming from everyday life’s small frustrations: missing the bus, my kids not being ready to leave the house in the morning, no more coffee in the thermos at the staff room when I really want a coffee… These are “easy” to deal with, right?

Where does the frustration/anger come from in these situations? The gap between my expectations and what life is offering me.

I want coffee -> there is no coffee = I get frustrated. And what would be the easiest way to vent that frustration? I get angry at my colleagues because they never make coffee but they always drink the coffee.  Added to the small frustrations from the morning, this might be the one that makes my mind go wild, and I might send an angry email to all my colleagues complaining about their behavior. Which will most probably end up with me regretting the tone in the email afterward.

How can Yoga teachings help me here? It is a fun mental game and the keyword is detachment. I have first to detach from the situation. The fact that there is no coffee. Take a step back. Is this something that my colleagues directly do towards me? Most probably not. So, it’s not personal, I can relax a bit. But it is unfair, right? I always make coffee and they don’t! Regardless of whether this is true or not (most probably not), we can apply detachment here too. Detachment from my expectations towards my colleagues. Of course, there is no harm at all on bringing this issue up at some point and ask everyone to remember to make coffee when they drink the last drop, but if the thermos keeps being empty when I want coffee, what do I win by still expecting people to make more?

Another level of detachment in this situation would be that since I am so fond of the coffee and I like being a positive member of my community, I decide to make coffee twice a day every day, and don’t expect any reward for this like the thermos having coffee when I want a coffee, or even a thank you from anyone. This is part of the essence of Karma Yoga actually: do your work with a clear intention and detach from the desire of the outcome being as you expect it to be. I can ‘sacrifice’ myself for the wellbeing of the whole and make coffee for everyone.

Or, I can start bringing my thermos from home if this is not an area in my life where I want to make sacrifices. Thus I am accepting that the thermos is often empty, adapting to the situation by bringing my thermos and letting go of the frustration that, let’s face it, is mainly affecting my inner peace.

Now let’s look at anger caused by something bigger than everyday frustrations. Here too, I invite you to be curious and to play a bit with your mind.

Remember that we don’t win much by labeling emotions as negative.  What we see as negative or difficult emotions can, in reality, be opportunities for us to learn something new about ourselves. Anger, for example, can be triggered to remind us of what our boundaries are. It can also be triggered by fear, or even by tiredness. An experiment I consider interesting when I get angry (and when I manage to not act on it) is to turn my attention inwards, because I have come to realize that most of the time, I cannot change situations or the way people act, so the only thing I can do is to be curious about the processes that happen in my mind. I try to be very honest with myself and often, the anger diminishes if I change my perspective on things.

Here, like on level 1 detachment is a good tool. Detach from the situation as it being directed towards you. Even if it is. We all live in our own minds and act accordingly. If you can acknowledge that those around you want the same as you, mainly happiness, love, and peace, and that they might at times be as confused as you often are, well, it is not that strange that they sometimes act in ways that you consider hurtful.

Detachment from expectations is a good tool here too. The idea you have in your head of how people should behave will most probably never resemble reality and then it gets distorted by your perception and interpretation of it. Adapt your expectations. Here again, you can communicate your needs, talk, but expecting others to change is a tiring experience.

And the last one that I personally struggle a lot with is: detach from the desire of the outcome of your actions being as you imagined it to be. Be kind to others, give love to others and every day erase the addition you make in your head. If you really want to achieve internal freedom, this one is crucial. Very difficult, but crucial.

Lastly, there are situations where an emotion is so strong that we cannot work with it right away. Here are some things you can do in the heat of the moment to calm the mind:

  • Don’t reject the emotion but don’t feed into it either. To do this, you focus on the sensations in your body when you experience this emotion, try to slow down by breathing deeper, especially when you exhale and whenever your mind starts making stories go back to focusing on your body and/or your breath.
  • Show compassion and understanding to the person that is experiencing the emotion, that means YOU, but again, without feeding into it. Without justifying and explaining why you “have the right to be angry”. Like you would talk to a good friend, talk nicely to yourself, say that you understand, that you are there for yourself.
  • Imagine that this emotion is something you can hold. Hold it carefully and gently. Give it attention like you would give to a little child when its hurt, and when you’re ready, gently let it go.

And when the fire is out, remember to take the time to learn something new about yourself, and hopefully, next time anger shows its face, it won’t take control over you.